[Chorus]
Who put the turtle in Myrtle's girdle
She'll kill him if she ever gets a chance
'Cause if she ever catches him
I know she'll make a mess of him
She'll wind up putting ants in his pants

Now, not so very long ago, you never heard such carryin' on
Screamin' and a-holloring in fierce
Now, it went down in history about this great big mystery
The mystery I'm talkin' about is this

[Chorus]

The doggone dog who done it wasn't looking for romance
Well, maybe all he wanted was to see ol' Myrtle dance
But if that's what he wanted, he sure did make her go
She crossed ten miles of cornfield, fourteen foot of snow

[Chorus]

If we lay poor ol' Myrtle accros the Rio Grande
With her feet way down in Mexico, head in Texas sand
We'd mark a spot with a great big X right where we shouldn't order
That doggone thing had bit her, right south of the border

[Chorus]

It was me who put that turtle in poor ol' Myrtle's girdle
Well, you better keep on running while you can
'Cause if she ever catches him
I know she'll make a mess of him
And he don't want no ants in his... pants