So you think you've got troubles
The more you try the worse you get
So you think the world don't like you
Well brother, you ain't heard nothing yet

My car sounds like an old tin can
My wife went off with another man
And I strained a muscle of my fishing hand
My income tax is due

Now I lost my money in a poker game
And I think my left leg is a-goin' lame
My brother asked if I'd change my name
And that's what I think I'll do

My doctor told me not to smoke
Drink nothing stronger than a coke
I'm not even supposed to hear dirty jokes
For I'd laugh and strain my heart

I had every illment known to man
From the African mumps to a dishpan hand
I lost every race that I ever ran
I didn't even get a start

So you think you've got troubles
The more you try the worse you get
So you think the world don't like you
Well brother, you ain't heard nothing yet

Now some people call me a pessimist
They say that I oughta make the best of this
Well, maybe I am a pessimist
That's something that I wouldn't know

But one thing I do know, I'll tell you right now
I'm a-milkin' the wrong end of this old cow
There's to many wrinkles in this boy's brow
That stuff has got to go

So you think you've got troubles
The more you try the worse you get
So you think the world don't like you
Well brother, you ain't heard nothing yet

So I put me a bar in the back of my car
And drive myself to drink!